Monday, May 16, 2016

Trigger Days

If, in the aftermath of the loss of your wife, you go talk to someone, and when I say talk to someone I don't mean your brother Roy or someone you've known all your life and who knows you. 

Forget that.

Go to a professional, listen to them, tell them the truth, see them often. Afterwords, you may feel like, "Hey I'm seeing a shrink. Am I crazy?" Well yes and no, and hello Dr. Pat.

I know now there are going to be what the doctor calls, "trigger days." Certain days that due to the circumstances of what occurred on those days, are going to "trigger" an emotional response. Recently, those triggers have been my 57th birthday, my dead wife's 58th birthday, and various and sundry hurts and life.

But I survived it, and today is a new day of a new week, and it's cloudy here near the beach, right next to the edge of the continent. The water continues to go back and forth between here and somewhere further west. Thanks to everyone who listened, dreamed, laughed, and shared these weeks with me. 

They were difficult but I will go on. For her and for me, and for those I have not seen yet.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016


It's her birthday today. She would have been 58, if she had lived. We were born one year, one month, and one day apart, and we shared everything. Miss her badly but am trying to make her proud. Love never dies.

Ruth and Mark

Thursday, May 5, 2016

She Started Out As A Child

My wife, Ruth Decker Tabarez, was a beautiful child, who just got more beautiful as she grew. Her heart was enormous and she had love for everyone. She would have been 58 on the 10th of May, and I still miss her dearly. This is the third birthday, I have spent without her by my side. Miss you honey.