Saturday, August 22, 2015

Right From the Afterlife

For a while you are going to feel like everything your wife ever said to you is right. It is. While this might have been annoying while she was alive, it is positively creepy when it happens after she is dead and buried, or burned as was the case with my late wife. Again this plays off that freedom thing.

I remember that one day I wanted spaghetti for dinner. I had not had it while Ruth was sick for the last 11 months of her life, so I thought it might be nice for a change from Burger King. I went to the store and like a zombie I picked up the same spaghetti and sauce we had eaten once a month for 23 years. I did it automatically.

After I had the stuff in the cart I started wondering about the myriad of sauces on the shelf and I thought to myself that  since Ruth was now dead I could get any sauce that I wanted. But which one to get? I finally decided on a sauce that was peddled by a cute woman who was a bit chunky for television but was still very cute. Her face was on the label and everything.

What was bothering me was that I seemed to remember my late wife mentioning something about the spaghetti sauce but I just could not remember, what it could have been. I paid for my stuff and went home and fixed spaghetti for dinner. I heated up the sauce with the face of the chunky girl from the television, and it smelled very good. When it was all done I assembled it along with a nice roll and some very nice grape Kool-Aid.

I took a bite and it tasted like something in-between tomato sauce and ptomaine. Suddenly, my late wifes' words came rolling out of some old memory banks and I remembered what she said in one second. It was so simple. Ruth said:

"We don't get that kind of spaghetti sauce because it sucks and you don't like it."

That was it. That was what I could not remember and now would never ever forget again. I scooped the whole thing into the garbage can, hopped in Ruth's car, and sped to the nearest McDonald's, while blasting her favorite song. Just slightly creepy to say the least. Do yourself a favor and try and eat well.Try getting food you don't order from a clown's head or a donkey's hindquarters. Your arteries will thank you some day.

No comments:

Post a Comment