Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Mr Happy

As I have mentioned in this series before, you have an extreme amount of freedom now new widower, to do whom and what you like, whenever you would like to do so. It's a pretty heady feeling to realize that you are responsible only to yourself now. No more better half to remind you why she's the better half, so get used to it.

My sweet sister-in-law, as I have mentioned previously, gave me a nice book written by a woman whose husband had died suddenly and young. It was a nice book and all and it really went over a lot of stuff that I was going through and had gone through. But it was missing one thing,

Penis thinking.

OK folks we are all adults here and the word penis should not send us running for the hills screaming bloody murder. A lot of the population has them, so everybody better know a little bit about that particular part of the male anatomy. I don't know if women have the same thing but I do not believe that they do because, I don't know, just because.

Anyway the thing is that the average male penis thinks it is part of the cranial portion of the anatomy. It thinks it is residing somewhere between the cerebellum and frontal lobe, and as such, should be allowed into the decision making process for everything. What we wear, what you wear, what we see, and what we definitely do not see, are mostly ruled by penis thinking. 

The most obvious and easy way to prove illustrate this point is to look at any 70's to 80's jillionaire, who is right on the verge of rigor mortis, and what do they have attached to their wheelchair? That's right, a large blonde who you would swim toward if the ship was going down because those pontoons are never going to sink. 

In any case, here is the deal. You can go out and start banging everything and everyone in sight. That is your right. After all, you have been married for 21 years and she's dead, and you did not kill her, and it all seems good. Except for that new first time. 

Remember the first time?

Because guess what new widower? There is going to be a new first time for you if you decide that you want Mr Happy to now play on the neighbor's Slip 'N Slide. Are you ready for that? I know you think you might be ready but chances are that you are not. I know the first time I even spoke with a woman after my wife died I drove her away in about 5 minutes.

So here is the thing new widower, take your time, there is no need to re-marry your living ex-wife, your high school girlfriend, or that stripper from Reno. Mr Happy is going to try and convince you otherwise as is his wont. But remember, Mr Happy is not in your brain but in some other place that has no brains. So before you do something stupid like catch HPV, just forget about Mr Happy until a long time has passed. 

Because even brainless Mr Happy, knows when its too soon.

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