Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Why This Topic?

When I was on Facebook I wrote about my wife's death. My dear sister-in-law gave me a book written by a woman who had lost her husband at a young age and how it affected her life and actions. I liked the book but it was distinctly written by a woman, for women.

That was problematic for me.

So I decided to write a page regarding my wife and her death and how it changed me for both good and bad. I called it "Widower 101, or How to Lose Your Wife Without Killing Yourself." 

It was sad and funny, and a man who I don't know and who I have never met, sent me a message that said that he had not cried nor laughed, in the 5 years since his wife had died suddenly, and that reading what I had written helped him somehow.

I never wrote back to him and we did not become friends. He never "liked" me and I did not seek his friendship or approval. I just know that he felt what I had felt or was feeling and that brought us together for a moment.

Because that's really what life is. A whole bunch of random moments that fly at you like a jet plane sometimes. I don't know why but telling these stories makes me better, so I have decided to retell a few. Thanks for your indulgence and I love you Ruth. 
Ruth Decker-Tabarez, Wedding Day, 1992

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