Friday, July 31, 2015

The Sorrow Gauge

Along the way you are going to start wondering where you are on your widower journey. You wonder if there is some sort of way to gauge how sad you really are and how much farther you may need to travel on your personal sadness trail. Yes there is.

It's called music.

Music meant a lot to you when your wife was alive. There was the music that was playing when you first caught sight of her and your heart jumped into your throat. There is the music from the first time you danced together after she said "I do," and changed your life forever. There is her favorite song, and your favorite song that you always cringed to when she decided to sing along.

Music is all around you. It really is. Even if your whole life has been like "Till There Was You," from "The Music Man," up to this point, music can still gauge how well you are doing or how far you still have to go. Usually, I use my wife's favorite song but for this experiment I will be using the song "Part of You, Part of Me," by Glenn Frey, formerly and currently, of the Los Angeles California band, Eagles.

1. Get a recording of the song.

2. Get the lyrics, and have them close at hand. For those who can't figure out where to find stuff on this Internet, here is a copy:


"I felt it when the sun came up this morning
I knew I could not wait another day
Darling, there is something I must tell you
A distant voice is calling me away
Until we find a bridge across forever
Until this grand illusion brings us home
You and I will always be together
From this day on you`ll never walk alone
You`re a part of me, I`m a part of you
Wherever we may travel
Whatever we go through
Whatever time may take away
It cannot change the way we feel today
So hold me close and say you feel it too
You`re a part of me, and I`m a part of you
I can hear it when I stand beside the river
I can see it when I look up in the sky
I can feel it when I hear that lonesome highway
So many miles to go before I die
We can never know about tomorrow
Still we have to choose which way to go
You and I are standing at the crossroads
Darling, there is one thing you should know....
You`re a part of me, I`m a part of you
Wherever we may travel
Whatever we go through
Whatever time may take away
It cannot change the way we feel today
So hold me close and say you feel it too
You`re part of me, and I`m a part of you
I look at you your whole life stands before you I look at me and I`m running out of time
Time has brought us here to share these moments To look for something we may never find 
Until we find a bridge across forever
Until this grand illusion brings us home
You and I will always be together From this day on you`ll never walk alone
You`re a part of me, I`m a part of you
Wherever we may travel
Whatever we go through
Whatever time may take away
It cannot change the way we feel today
So hold me close and say you feel it too
You`re a part of me, and I`m a part of you"

3. Listen to the song. Follow along with the lyric sheet. 

4. You can determine just how deep your sorrow might be depending on where you break down during the playing of the song. If you start sobbing before the singing begins you still have a ways to go, and the further you can go without crying is the real test. Remember, and this is the most important thing, never listen to this song and then "Desperado," back to back. It may cause an emotional setback from which you may never recover. 

So listen to music. Listen to your favorite music. Listen to your late wife's favorite music. Listen to the music you loved together, even if it hurts. The hurt will fade and the love will remain, I promise. Listen to the music that she loved and see if you can find out why she loved it. This may be as difficult as determining why she loved you, but try. Also, for those keeping score, this song played over the closing credits for the movie "Thelma and Louise."

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